Nobody expects to divorce when they make wedding vows. They also do not expect to have to figure out a parenting plan with their ex-spouse, either amicably or through a contentious separation. Recently separated couples will have to learn the type of co-parenting that will be most effective given their family dynamics, the children’s needs, and their ability to collaborate. You may be wondering, “What are the three types of co-parenting?”
Parenting Plan
A parenting plan is a document that lays out how parents will share their rights and responsibilities after a divorce or separation. For it to be enforceable, it must be in writing, signed by both parties, and approved by a judge. Sometimes, a parenting plan may be called a custody and visitation plan or a custody schedule.
What Is Co-Parenting?
Co-parenting is when two parents agree to jointly raise their children after their marriage ends while maintaining a stable and supportive environment for their children and helping the family move forward. Divorced parents typically fall into one of the common types of co-parenting methods:
Parallel Parenting
Parallel parenting, the most common type of co-parenting style, is when the parents do not communicate beyond what is required through the terms of their custody agreement. The parents maintain two separate households and make decisions independently regarding their children. They may share information about the child’s health, education, and activities but are usually only done through notes, emails, or a third-party mediator so they can avoid direct contact.
This co-parenting style is usually meant for couples who are hostile to each other or find direct communication to only result in conflicts. Parallel parenting provides more stability in their child’s lives while not subjecting them to their parents’ relationship issues.
Conflicted Co-Parenting
Divorce can be highly emotional for the parents, especially as they work through property division and child custody. This can create tension between the parents that may continue after the divorce is finalized, harming their child’s emotional well-being and development.
Conflicted co-parenting signs include:
- Constantly heated debates and disagreements
- Parents blaming each other for their problems and criticizing each other
- Parents using their children as pawns to manipulate or hurt each other
- Not respecting the other parent’s boundaries or opinions
- Children who are stressed, anxious, or have behavioral problems
Cooperative/Collaborative Co-Parenting
While cooperative/collaborative co-parenting is often the ideal outcome for parents after divorce, it does not mean they need to be close friends. They just have to be able to work together harmoniously to raise their children. Cooperative/collaborative co-parenting includes effective communication, mutual respect, shared decision-making, and positive role modeling with a focus on their children’s best interests.
Tips for More Effective Co-Parenting
Co-parenting can be challenging, but to be able to do so effectively will require the ex-spouses to take the right approach to give their children a stable upbringing. We understand that both parents want what is best for their children. Some tips include:
1. Prioritize Building Effective Communication Skills
Communication is one of the most important aspects of co-parenting. Establish clear and respectful communication with your co-parent. You could even schedule regular meetings or phone calls to discuss important issues. Focus on finding solutions rather than assigning blame. Be an active listener and do not interrupt the other parent when they are talking.
2. Respect Each Other
Respect each other by treating each other with dignity and understanding of different parenting approaches. Most importantly, never involve your children in your conflicts or use them as pawns. All this causes is unneeded stress and anxiety in your children. Encourage your child’s relationship with their other parent by speaking positively about them.
3. Focus on Your Children
Always keep your child’s well-being at the forefront of everything. Focus on them rather than your issues with their other parent. Make all decisions based on what is best for them, and not to spite your ex-spouse. Children thrive with consistency, so maintaining routines across both households can help your children feel more secure.
4. Seek Professional Help If Needed
If there are conflicts that you and your ex-spouse cannot resolve, you could seek help from a mediator, counselor, or lawyer. Professional support can provide you both with the tools and strategies you need to improve your co-parenting skills.
FAQs
Q: How Is Child Custody Determined in California?
A: Custody is determined based on the child’s best interests. The court will consider each parent’s relationship with their children, work schedules, ability to provide, potential history of violence, abuse, or neglect, and willingness to cooperate with the other parent. The court will prioritize joint legal custody arrangements.
Q: What Are the Different Types of Custody in California?
A: California has two main types of custody arrangements, legal and physical, which can be awarded either jointly or solely. Legal custody is the right to make major decisions about the child’s life, including their education, religious upbringing, and medical care. Physical custody is where the child spends their time.
Q: What Happens if Parents Can’t Agree on a Co-Parenting Plan?
A: If parents can’t agree on a co-parenting plan, the courts may need to get involved. A judge will then review the evidence presented by both parents and their lawyers, consider the best interests of the child, and then decide on the co-parenting plan. Parents should always try to resolve their issues through mediation before it goes to court.
Q: What Should I Do if My Co-Parent Is Not Following the Court-Ordered Plan?
A: If a co-parent is not sticking with the plan the court decided on, we recommend keeping a detailed record of every time they go against the plan. If the situation does not change after discussing it with them, you might need mediation. Contacting a family law attorney can guide you on how to move forward.
Legal Support for California Co-Parents
We understand how emotionally charged a divorce can be. At Drury Pullen Law, we can provide parents with support in dealing with the legal aspects of co-parenting, custody, and parenting plans. Contact us today to see how we can assist.